If it's not me who you love, just kill me then
by FujoShizaya
Summary: Izaya paid a lots of money to create Psyche, the copy of himself that would be a little younger than he was but still have the same personality. But the clone didn't appear to be that way.    And who is in love who? Find it out.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Durarara! or the characters, they belong to Narita Ryohgo, the creator of Drrr!**  
>Warnings:<strong> Fanfic might include blood, swearing and death so reading it is your own choise. (warning: character's might be a little ooc sometimes)**  
>Pairing:<strong> main is Shizaya but includes onesided Shizuo x Psyche and Psyche x Izaya**  
>Series:<strong> Durarara!**  
>Fic made by:<strong>Akari Yukimura 

xxxxx 

Izaya paid a lots of money to create Psyche, the copy of himself that would be a little younger than he was but still have the same personality. But the clone didn't appear to be that way.

"Ne ne~ Izzy~" Psyche chirped."Could you please be guiet when I'm working, Psyche." Izaya said with tired tone.

Izaya thinks Psyche as a mistake. Psyche was like an opposite copy of Izaya, he liked to use white/pink clothes and smiled all time, even his eyes were pink! The informant didn't like to let Psyche outside, but at least when he let him go he would have time to finish his works.

"Listen, Psyche. You can go out, but remember to be careful okay? I really don't like the fact that you are meeting up with Shizu-chan so often." The red eyed male glazed over the younger one.  
>"Of course Izzy-chan~ But we're friends so it's just natural that we hang out together." Psyche smiled and danced towards his earphones.<br>"Tch." Izaya clenched the front of his shirt _'I really don't like this...'_  
>"Then. I'll be going now Izzy~" Psyche said. <p>

xxxxx 

"Shizu-chaaan~" Psyche yelled when he noticed the tall blonde.  
>"Yo." Shizuo smiled and greeted the short male.<br>"What's up, you're not supposed to be out this late right?" The taller male asked when he checked out the time from his phone.  
>"Izzy-chan gave me permission~" Psyche smiled and jumped up and down from the excistement.<p>

Shizuo just smiled and petted the silky hair of his new friend. The bartender suited man didn't have any clue why the boy reminded him of Izaya, but since he was an opposite of his enemy he didn't let it disturb him at all.

"Shizu-chan Shizu-chan~?" Psyche jumped in front of the taller male to get his attention.  
>"What is it, Psyche?" Shizuo smiled<br>"Does Shizu-chan have anyone he likes?" The younger boy asked.  
>"Someone I like?" Shizuo blushed madly at the fact that the one he likes stands in front of him right now. "I don't really know." Shizuo admitted.<br>"And how about you, Psyche?" The blonde looked at the boy.  
>"I have I have~" Psyche's smile widened as he started to spin around.<br>"Who is it? The Izzy-chan you're always talking about?" Shizuo asked curiously.  
>"Yup~" Psyche smiled.<br>"What kind of person she is?" Shizuo continued guestioning.  
>"Hehe~ He's a very nice person~ Even thought he treats me like air he still cares about me lot." Psyche chirped.<br>"He?" Shizuo looked surprised.  
>"Yeah. He's like a brother to me. He looks exactly like me, but he has red eyes and he usually wears black clothes and black grey-furred jacket." Psyche continued.<p>

Shizuos nerve popped up as he finished his image of the person Psyche likes _'IZAYA!'_ Shizuo clenched his fists and was about to say something when he heard a familiar voice.

"Yo~ Shizu-chan, Psyche."

Psyche and Shizuo both turned to see the informant who was standing behind them smirking like he always did. 

xxxxx 

"Izzy-chan~ You came to play too. Psyche is happy~" Psyche jumped up and smiled to Izaya.  
>"Nope~ I came to get you back. I will be sending you back to the place where I got you~" Izaya smiled.<br>"Izzy-chan?" Psyche looked hurt when Izaya said so.  
>"IZAYA-KUUUUUUN~!" Shizuo shouted and grapped the closest thing near him that happened to be a street sign and threw it towards Izaya, but as usual the man dodged it with ease.<br>"Come now, Psyche. Let's go home." Izaya said and left before another object would be tossed at him. 

xxxxx 

Shizuo looked at Psyche who didn't smile anymore and felt pity towards the smaller boy, who looked like he was about to cry.

"If you want, you can come at my place." Shizuo said.  
>"No. I wanna go home, but thanks anyway, Shizu-chan~" Psyche smiled and headed for the same direction as Izaya went earlier.<br>"See ya around, Psyche!" Shizuo yelled and Psyche just turned around and wawed his hand to the blonde. 

xxxxx 

_'Why the hell did I say so... Shizuo looked so angry...' _Izaya thought as he looked at the picture of the blonde on becides his computer. _'I didn't even mean it...'_

"Izzy-chan?" Psyche quietly walked inside."Just come in already." Izaya said.

Psyche took few small steps towards Izaya and then fell on his knees, the boy couldn't hold back his tears anymore.

"I-I...-sniff- I'm sorry, Izzy..-chan. P-p-please... Don't throw me a-away." The smaller man was sobbing on the ground.

Izaya sighed and walked becides Psyche, squatting down becides him and finally pulling the smaller male into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Psyche." Izaya said while he gently stroked the younger ones hair and not so long after that Psyche fell asleep. The informant smiled gently and carried the smaller boy on the bed. "When you wake up, everything will be better." Izaya whispered.

Writing a small note that he placed on his desk Izaya left the apartment smiling sadly as he thought _'Yeah, everything will turn out well for you... I'm sorry... Shizu-chan'_

When Psyche heard the apartments door shut down he woke up.

"Izzy-chan?" Psyche rubbed his tired eyes and get off of the bed.  
>"Izzy-chan? Where are you going so late at n-" The pink eyes widened as he spotted the note on the table.<p>

_'Izzy-chan!'_The young boy grapped the note and quickly read it.

_'Dear Psyche  
>When you read this, I will be already gone.<br>I know I made you sad with that what I  
>said to you earlier, I'm sorry about that.<br>I also know that you like too. I love him.  
>I'm sorry for comingbetween your friendship,<br>but now youcan continue it. I won't send  
>you anywhere.I hope you will be happy with<br>Shizu-chan.  
>- From Izaya to Psyche -'<em>

"No... I-Izzy-chan!" Psyche cried out and run after Izaya but when he get out the informant wasn't nowhere to be seen. _'Izzy-chan...' _Psyche looked at the road towards Ikebukuro and started run and speeded up as the rain started to fall down. _'Izzy-chan!'_

xxxxx 

Izaya shivered from the cold, he was wet and tired but still kept going on. _'Shizu-chan'_ Izaya wiped his eyes but quickly turned around and smirked at the blonde who was now yelling his name.

"IZAYA-KUUUUUN~!"  
>"Well well Shizu-chan~" Izaya smirked and pulled out his pocketknife. "I came to have some fun, since I was so bored alone~"<br>"What the fuck did you do to Psyche you fucking Flea!" The blonde yelled as he ripped the nearest street sign from the ground and threw it at the informant. Izaya dodged it and ran towards Shizuo.  
>"He became a nuisance so they are just going to repair him~ First thing they will do is erase him memory~" Izaya smirked and kept annoying his enemy more and more.<br>"Why so angry, Shizu-chan?" The informant laughed and tried to cut the blonde with his knife but failed.

Shizuo grapped the smaller man's hand after dodging his attack threwing him to the nearest wall. Izaya gave out a pained cry as the air escaped from his lungs when he hit the wall.

"Giving up already Flea?" Shizuo sad and fipped new street sign from the ground.

Izaya slowly stood up and smirked at the taller male.

"Ne ne~ Shizu-chan~" The informant smiled. "The truth is, that I really don't hate you, Shizu-chan." Izaya whispered just so loud that the blonde could hear it.  
>"You know Flea? I don't give a fuck what you think about me!" Shizuo shouted and swung the sign towards the informant. <em>'I already knew that... Shizu-chan'<em> Izaya thought as the sign hit him in his stomach.

Izaya flew against the wall again but this time he screamed. _'What the?' _Shizuo was shocked that the informant actually screamed after he hit the wall. Izaya never screamed, not even once when he got hit by a vending machine that the blonde had threw at him.

"Oy Flea! Stand up." Shizuo was staring at the unmoving body.  
>"I-Izzy-chan?"<p>

Shizuo turned around and paled as he saw Psyche standong behind him. 

xxxxx 

"P-Psyche." Shizuo's voice shaked as he looked his new friend who was standing a few feet away from him. _'No... no no no! I... I didn't I...'_ Shizuo was in a panic, he didn't want to lose his new friend, but he also didn't want to hurt him... and now he had killed the one Psyche loved.

"Izzy-chan!" Psyche cried and run past Shizuo becides Izaya.  
>"P-Psyche. I... I didn't mean to... I... I just..." Shizuo couldn't think anything to say.<br>"Izzy-chan... Izzy-chan! IZZY-CHAN!" Psyche cried and tried to shake the unconscious boy awake. "I... I won't come between y-you and S-Shizu-chan anymore, s-so please... wake up... Izzy-chan!" Psyche sobbed.  
>"Psyche." Shizuo whispered and felt guilty about what he had done to the informant.<br>"Izzy-chan... please... I'm not in love with S-Shizu-chan... I beg you... don't d-die..." Psyche cried desperately. "Y-you have always loved h-him... Izzy-chan... you're not the type who gives up this easy!" Psyche clutched Izayas blood soaked shirt.

_'Love... me?' _The words hit him hard when he heard them.

**-flashback-**_  
>" Ne ne~ Shizu-chan~" The informant smiled at me. "The truth is, that I really don't hate you, Shizu-chan."<em>**  
>-end of flashback-<strong>

"Izzy-chan!" Psyche shook Izaya again and again and then the informant suddenly coughed.  
>"P-Psyc -cough-" Izaya coughed out a lots of blood.<br>"Izzy-chan... Don't give up!" Psyche cried.

Shizuo was now kneeling becides Izaya, but he couldn't do anything else but stare at the dying informant. _'Loves... me... Izaya loves me...'_ The blonde was spacing out but got quickly pulled back to the reality when two small hands grapped his bigger ones.

"Shizu-chan please... Save him! Save Izzy! I beg you, don't let him die!" Psyche cried. "Even if y-you don't love him... He have always... l-loved you!"

Shizuo looked at the crying boy and then at the dying informant. The blonde felt nothing when he looked at Psyche but when he moved his eyes to Izaya he felt his heart throb. Shizuo's eyes widened when he finally realized...

"It was Izaya..." Shizuo felt that his eyes started to blur and it felt like they were burning. _'It was... Izaya that I loved... all the time'_Shizuo's tears mixed with rain. 

xxxxx 

Shizuo picked Izaya up with bridal style and stood up. Psyche looked at the blonde with swollen eyes.

"I won't let him die. Just follow me." Shizuo said and ran off.

Shizuo barely heard the informant breath. Izaya was still bleeding and the rain made his temperature drop down madly. _'This is bad. I... can I make it in time?'_Shizuo thought as he pressed the cold body tightly against his own and Psyche just quietly followed him. 

xxxxx 

Shizuo kicked the door open and walked in yelling his frieds name.

"Shinra!" Shizuo was panting as he walked in the kitchen where his childhood friend was sipping his coffee with Celty.  
>"Oh~. Shizuo, what brings you here at-" Shinra paled as he saw what Shizuo was carrying.<p>

Shinra quickly ran to his friends and analyzed the situtation.

"Celty! Bring me clean towels and hot water in the operation room as quick as possible!" Shinra said and then asked Shizuo to follow him in the said room. "Put him on the table, Shizuo." Shinra commanded and started to dig out his tools.

Celty brought the towels and the small tub filled with hot water in front of Shinra who then commanded everyone out of the room so he could operate his friend in peace. 

xxxxx 

Celty gave two towels to Shizuo who passed one of them to the smaller male becides him. Celty finally looked at the raven haired boy becides Shizuo.

[Who is that boy? Alien?] The dullahan typed in her phone.  
>"No no. He's Psyche. Izaya's clone." Shizuo's voice cracked.<br>[I see. What happened to Izaya?]  
>"I... I just..."<br>[You don't have to tell. I can see that you don't want to talk about it.]

For a short while there was just a silence but then Celty got up and writed something again. [You wanna drink something? I bet you got cold out there?]  
>"No thanks." Shizuo whispered and Psyche just stared at the floor beneath him.<br>[I will make you both a cup of hot chocolate okay?] Celty typed and after showed her phone to Shizuo she went to the kitchen. 

xxxxx 

After two long hours Shinra finally walked out of the operation room and the tired underground doctor sat on the couch across of the other one where Shizuo and Psyche were sitting.

"Is Izzy-chan okay now? Izzy-chan won't die right?" Psyche asked.  
>"He's not gonna die, but I bet he will need a long brake from his work." Sinra sighed and continued, "His organs were pterry damaged and he had a few broken bones plus fractures."<br>"I see." Psyche smiled. "Izzy-chan's gonna be allright."

Shizuo stared at Shinra for a while but finally asked.

"You're not going to ask anything about him?"  
>"Hm? You mean Psyche right?" Shinra chirped. "Don't worry I already know everything about him." Shinra smiled.<br>"Then why didn't Celty know?" Shizuo looked suprised that the doctor haven't told about him to his beloved Celty.  
>"Celty was so busy with her deliveries that I forgot to tell her when we finally got to spent some time together~" Shinra said.<br>"I see." The blonde mumbled.  
>"You can go see him if you want. It's the room right sext to the one where I operated him." Shinra said pointing at the door next to the operation room. "I moved him there after operation so I could clean the mess that was left behind." He finished.<br>"Ne ne~ Can I go too?" Psyche asked.  
>"You can go later, Psyche. I think it would be best to leave them alone for a while." Shinra stated. <p>

xxxxx 

Shizuo was now sitting on a chair next to the bed where Izaya was lying. Shizuo slowly stoked the smaller mans hair, the usual smirk was now gone, but at least the boy was still alive. The informants mouth and nose were covered with oxygen mask and the smaller male was as pale as a sheet. The blonde really did feel guilty about what he did to the flea.

"I'm sorry, Izaya." Shizuo whispered and kissed the informants forehead. "I love you." The blonde said as the tears started to fall down on the white sheets covering Izayas cold body. "I love you." Shizuo repeated.

Izaya sligtly opened his eyes and whispered, "Finally, you said it... Shizu-chan."

Shizuos eyes widened as he saw that his beloved Izaya was awake.

"Izaya" Shizuo whispered and smiled gently. "I'm so sorry."  
>"Haha~ No... worries. Shizu-chan." Izaya smiled and his eyelids started to close again. "I love you, and I always will. Shizu-chan." And then Izaya fell asleep.<p>

"Me too, Flea. From now on I will be the one protecting you." Shizuo said and placed his left hand on top of Izayas. "Always... together." Shizuo mumbled before he fell asleep as well. 

xxxxx

**A/N:** Hello there! (^^ ) This is my first Shizaya fic so the characters might be a little ooc/out of character (^^' ) [sorry I'm saying that line in every one of my fics] I like drama/angst/tragedy etc. [I have said that too in every one of my fics, sorry] so this is also one of the angsty fics (T-T ) Also this is my very very first time that I use Psyche in my fic and I really wanted to use Tsugaru too, but I wanted this fic end like this [this might still continue later] btw. sorry for the bad title x'D I just got the idea from that when Izaya got out just to be killed by the one and only he love's [more than humans]

PS. I can already guess that the fiction had many spelling errors and bad english, but sorry about that. I am currently searching a Beta reader for my Durarara! fictions so if you wanna be one just tell me (^^ ) 

xxxxx

-Extra-

1) I'm sorry that I made Psyche use an nickname of Izaya x'D but I just wanted him to be like a cute pet :3 so he calls Izaya "Izzy" and "Izzy-chan"

2) Psyche and Shizuo get to know each others when Psyche got lost in Ikebukuro and Shizuo somekinda helped him out of there.

3) Shinra knows Psyche because he was in the project where the "clones" (Psyhedelic Dreams - project) were created.


End file.
